Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Pat Buchanan:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

The Bible:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Fox Mulder:
It was a government conspiracy.

Freud:
The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Darwin:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Richard M. Nixon:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Oliver Stone:
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Jerry Seinfeld:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Louis Farrakhan:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Bill Gates:
I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.

George Orwell:
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?

Aristotle:
To actualize its potential.

Karl Marx:
It was a historical inevitability.

Nietzsche:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across at you.

Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Emily Dickinson:
Because it could not stop for death.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.

Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Saddam Hussein #2:
It is the Mother of all Chickens.

Joseph Stalin:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

O.J.:
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes the chicken crossed the road
But why it did, I've not been told!

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